Sometimes around midnight I take an Ambien and don’t go right to sleep, and then I start writing e-mails to people and websites I don’t really know but provoke hostility in me in some way.  It’s the literary equivalent of drunk dialing.  The following epistle is a late night screed I sent to the official website of Amy [name withheld to protect the innocent...O.K., what the hell, its Spencer] a relationship expert and author of the newly published book about how strategies of severe optimism can positively affect your dating life.  It is called "Meeting Your Half-Orange," the principle being – I think – that if you act like a half-orange, which is a sunny and bright fruit (not to mention juicy), then you will find another half-orange, who fits you and makes a whole orange, and happiness ensues. 

I did not think she would reply to what I sent, but she did, and when I read both my letter, which I only half-remembered writing, and her response the next morning, I felt a mixture of surprise and shame.  Ambien is like the one-night stand of mind-altering sleep aids: you enjoy it at the time, but usually wake up hating yourself.  I had obviously, in a state of frustration with the impending death of the American Soul, poked fun at Amy’s book in a quite obnoxious way, under the pseudonym of "The Midnight Writer."  (In truth I am quite an unwavering optimist myself, but I guess Ambien brings out my inner Murphy.)  Well, she beat me at my own game.  Trying to evoke disgust and anger, instead I was met with, of all things, positive vibes: being the eternal optimist that Amy is, she took my e-mail at face value and actually addressed it very kindly and sincerely.  Her orange-like optimism actually won me over in a strange way, and I felt like that guy with the big curly mustache who ties the beautiful girl (Amy is a quite attractive woman who looks to be in her late 30s) to the train tracks., only to be "curses, foiled again."  I have a lot to learn about becoming a half-orange. 

But I vow the adventures of the Midnight Writer shall continue: I have a lot of Ambien and a lot of misguided hostility left.  

What follows is the transcript of my correspondence with Amy:

Hi Amy!
I was wondering what you thought about that eternal philosophic pessimist Schopenhauer and how his theories might fit in with your half-orange approach. Like you, I am a writer, and sometimes I feel as though we are tempted to package ethereal qualities like optimism in a confining corporate package. I find that I struggle with being optimistic, because I sense it may need to be rooted in a deep confrontation with spiritual doubt, with the temptation of nihilism or aberrant hedonism, with our chilhood heartbreak and trauma, and a consequent triumph over these – to be a really fulfilled, deep optimism. What do you think? Anyway, I love your perky insouciance, and you are really neat looking and cute. Share your thoughts, if you dare…Yours,
The Midnight Writer

admin (Amy) says:

Wednesday, February 3, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Wow, those are a lotta big words for a midnight posting! Here’s what I’d (dare to!) say: Optimism is a struggle sometimes, not just because it takes energy and determination and seems futile sometimes, but also because so many people see it as too flippant a concept: “Oh, everything’s just going to work okay, is it?” It really brings the cynics flocking. I think you’re right — it takes a life lived, fears faced, doubts questioned and hecklers damned to really be able to find the strength in yourself to embrace optimism about something. I don’t think we all need to optimistic about everything and it’s probably not healthy to be (i.e. we’re allowed to, say, be hopeful about our career and pessimistic about the passing of the healthcare package). But I think if we ARE going to be optimistic about anything in life, love’s the thing to choose. In fact, in a quick search on Schopenhauer (about whom I knew nothing), I found this quote: “The ultimate aim of all love affairs … is more important than all other aims in man’s life; and therefore it is quite worthy of the profound seriousness with which everyone pursues it.” How interesting that for a man who seemed, from what I briefly read, to feel that desire is futile because we’ll never get what we want anyway, to feel that love *is* worth it? Gotta love him for that. Guess it’s what’s behind my perkiness on the subject, too: I just think that love is worth it and optimism will help get you there. Hmm, now I wonder: Did I at all just address what you were commenting on? Thanks for writing!
  —Amy

Here is a link to the post on Amy’s website.

 http://thedatingoptimist.com/theblog/4-huge-reasons-to-read-meeting-your-half-orange/